Happy disclaimer: This may be not be a general perspective but only an effort to light a candle in an ever existent ignored corner of our lives.
A relationship when strained begins to develop premature wrinkles and overtime become recklessly stubborn and untreatable but when it’s a smooth ride then these may just be natural signs of aging 😛
Such is a relationship between mother in law and daughter in law. The most important one for an overall harmonious and normal temperature 😛 and atmosphere in a household. Also, for a natural and relatively cozy coexistence for other relationships.
Going back to school, the easiest topic for essay writing would have been “mother”. And even today for all those in 30’s, 40’s and 50’s+ generation, it still is. How about adding “in law” to it today?
Strange, addition of two words makes you fall short of any.. not because it’s an overflowing sea of words but you hardly thought of describing her to that length. It being such a controversial topic. We all have seen the negative side from all corners of our society, it’s omnipresent. Let’s take a peek into the positive, it may be not mine/yours but it’s always beneficial to one’s mental health to look at a blooming angle. Because it does exist.
Let’s for once, narrate the story from her side, try and exchange shoes with her though the size is extremely big. Let’s try.
Trifling back the pages of time, the flashback http://blog.kalungi.com/content-calendar/ when she got married.
So, after marriage just like you as a daughter in law there were expectations of varied kinds and more diverse. Every time she was choked with emotions, there was no shadow around unlike now. The man at that time was on a 24 hour mandatory shift of family not to mention there still existed a virtual uncut umbilical cord between him and his mother.
Concepts like”privacy, space etc” did not exists. She may be a holder of eminent degrees and talents, but financial independence can never be her cup of tea, that’s the born prodigy of the superior race. Career meant bringing up the kids, the sole onus of a woman of house.
The time when her own parents irrespective of situation advised her to …………….hold on.
Strangely and fortunately she no longer wishes to pass on the legacy, such is the reversal that she no longer wishes to repeat the history. True happiness lies in being respected not in front of audiences from under a veil but in the eyes of her extended version. She feels it. This version of hers is young and has dreams, can be naive but is responsible. Her cupboard of priorities is different, but the family is on top shelf and no matter what there settles no dust. She is not laden with responsibilities all at once, instead she undergoes a training program of times and occasions. These times can be a function in house, a kitty party, wedding of relative, rituals at home etc. All this along with her existing work life. She is seasoned accordingly one step at a time.
Today, being a part of ever evolving society where the gender gap is shrinking, not at the expected pace, but it is. This reduced gap is because of numerous factors and one of them is the fulcrum, a woman’s better half. This better half is the result of quite a quality breeding in his childhood. His mother had fed values of equality in his system.. “There is no such thing as superior sex”. A sight of a guy carrying a tray of tea and biscuits can be objectionably weird to guests but not to the family. It is the result of this upbringing structure that he takes stand for his mate, for her self esteem and it’s not tagged with lame adjectives. It’s categorically normal.
How the narrative reminds me of a movie ‘Dear Zindagi’ a scene where the psychiatrist asks the female protagonist (also the patient) who has had a troublesome childhood owing to her parents. He offers her a plain simple remedy, one we never ever think of. Why don’t we for once bring down our parents from the throne of such an honored and flawless position, consider them as human? Human who commit mistakes, repent and are guilty. This can be “the” mantra for any relationship to take its course for better. For younger generation, the daughter in law of today to mend differences if any. We easily justify in challenging times. “It’s because I am not her daughter”. Well the arrow can be reversed at pointed at you “It’s because she is not your mother”. With her shoe still on, how I wish we salute her for the times she has so heroically surfaced and how we can express the gratitude for all that she taught us in an unforced manner, for not judging us for many flaws and let us breathe. And most importantly she just lets me be, “me”. No terms and conditions applied.
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The photos are random events in due course, ones which taught me a lot of how to pass the legacy further with all affirmatives.